My hero
by Anotherhumanbeing
Summary: "She's gone" they told him over and over again "She's gone, let them take her" they pleaded him. They had tears in their eyes too. She was their boss, their friend, their sister.To him she was his lover. His partner and wife.


_I drank too much and I saw things._

* * *

Sometimes things change. They change into something better or worse. And you have no idea when that will happen, when your life will change for good.

If only you knew-

If onlyhe knew he would loose her that day he wouldn't let her go to work. He would hold her in his arms as they would both lay on their bed with tangled limbs and legs. She would be safe and alive then.

_''Behind you''_ Esposito's voice still echoes in his ears, through his mind. He had seen the suspect aiming a gun at them. He hadn't, she hadn't either. She jumped to cover him though, she pressed her body on his and pushed them to the ground as their suspect pulled the trigger and a shot was fired, a bullet traveled. He thought they were okay, he thought it was just another one of those close calls.

He was wrong.

The bullet hit her right in the back of the head, pushing her forward into his chest. He watched in horror as blood exploded into the air and on his face. Her blood. The one he never wanted to get on his skin ever again since the day at the cemetery. He still sees her empty, lifeless eyes when he closes his own, can still hear the small whimper that escaped her mouth before she went silent.

They didn't even have the chance to say goodbye. _He_ didn't have the chance to say he loved her although it would be for the last time.

''Why?'' he wonders ''Why?'' he cries.

He was still holding her broken body, secured, into his arms even after they handcuffed the suspect. He was crying, hot fat tears were making their way down his cheeks and falling on her cold skin, the one he used to touch every day. He couldn't stop, he couldn't give her to them as they waited with a body bag in front of him. Ryan and Esposito were trying to reason him, they tried to force him to let her go.

They failed.

He clutched desperately on her, face buried in her blood-stained hair, the hair he used to run his hand through happily as she grinned at him every morning when they woke up together. Then, he placed his fingers on her face, begged for her to wake up.

She didn't. She was gone.

Her skin was cold yet it burned under his finger tips.

They managed to take her away from him eventually. He protested, of course always a fighter for her, cursed them and argued, insisted that she would wake up. They boys held him back.

''She's gone'' they told him over and over again ''She's gone, let them take her'' they pleaded him. They had tears in their eyes too. She was their boss, their friend, their sister.

To him she was his lover.

His partner and wife.

They took her to the morgue, reason unknown, and he followed them. Watched as they unzipped the body bag, watched as Lanie crumpled to the floor and Javier ran to her.

He sips some more from the glass, the rich liquid burns his throat as it slides down towards his stomach. The events playing in front of his eyes like it was yesterday. A week passed.

It's still too fresh in his mind, memorized by his brain with every small detail.

* * *

_''You're a dork'' she laughed at him that morning when he pouted ''I have to go to work, Castle. You can't do anything to keep here'' she laughed again at his face and turned her body around on the bed to plant a kiss on his lips ''Now move that sweet ass of yours and get dressed, please'' _

_He raised an amused eyebrow ''Finally, the woman admitted that she likes my butt. Hmm, progress'' he was rewarded with a pillow in his face for that, he didn't back down though, he tugged her down by the hand when she tried to stand and pulled her to him for another kiss. _

_''Castle'' she warned._

_''Fine''_

* * *

He would lock her in their room if he knew what would happen that day.

He hears a soft knock on his door and turns his chair around to meet his mother as she enters through the doorway.

''It's time'' she tells him sadly.

It's time to bury her. It's time to honor her. It's time to forget her too?

''I can't come'' suddenly his throat is too tight, his voice too weak, his words unsteady. A heavy sight escapes from his mother.

He can still taste her on his lips, feel her smooth skin under the tips of his fingers, smell her scent in the room, everywhere.

Sometimes, he can see her too.

''Richard'' Martha calls him but he doesn't respond. She can see his eyes fixed on something, someone.

He isn't sure if she's really here or it's just his brain and mind working together to play tricks on him. He doesn't care, he's glad she's here, smiles widely as she comes closer to his desk then kneels in front of him and places her hands on his knees.

''Kate'' he whispers and raises his hand to touch her cheek. It's warm, it's like he remembered it. A smile forms on her lips as well and she rests her hand on his, the one on her face.

''We didn't have the chance to say goodbye'' she says softly, gaze lifting to meet his ''That's why I came back''

''Stay'' he begs her. She shakes her head.

''I can't'' She wants, she wants so badly to have her life back.

''But I love you!'' he blurts out, chokes on his own words. His eyes are stinging, tears are threatening to run down his face but there are not many of them left to spare.

She nods ''I love you too'' she replies, kisses the palm of his hand and pushes it away from her ''I must go'' he uses the other hand to hold her tightly, doesn't let her go as she stands up.

''Castle-''

''Come back for me when you can, Kate'' she nods one more time before she leans down and touches her mouth on his. Her tongue is hot and sweet when it slides between his parted lips and dances with his.

It feels so good. So wonderful. It feels like she's alive again.

''Come back for both of us, Kate'' she looks over his shoulder and into their bedroom, finding their son playing on their bed and her eyes water.

''Always'' she promises him, and then disappears.

He blinks multiple times to bring himself back into one piece.

''Richard'' he jumps from the chair at the sound of his mother's voice and turns his head around.

''Mother'' he greets her. The older woman hums and then shrugs.

''She was here, wasn't she?'' she asks. Somehow knowing.

He answers honestly ''She came back'' the corners of his mouth twist up slightly and a ghost of a smile hovers above his lips. A tear runs down his cheek and he wipes it away with his thump.

''Come on, kiddo'' Martha takes a step back, giving him space to pass as he comes closer to the door ''Let's go''

The cemetery is empty and quiet after the ceremony, they pass many graves as they make their way towards hers. He kneels and puts a bouquet of flowers in front of her tombstone, rubs a hand over the carved letters and stands up again. He watches as the three years old kid, their son, follows his movements but instead of standing up he stays down, talks to his mommy. His heart breaks a little more.

''Are you okay?'' his mother asks. He doesn't want to lie. Fine would be something Kate would say even if she was ran over by a car.

He has no words to answer.

''I don't like grey'' he hears someone speaking and gripping his arm next to him and his head turns to that direction. He finds Kate standing by his side, wrinkling her nose as she speaks ''Purple is better, don't ya think?'' she grins at him, nudges his arm with hers and looks down at their son who stares back at them and his eyes widen, pure joy showed in them. Castle laughs for the first time after a long time.

''I'm fine'' he says back to his mother. They will be.

* * *

_Thoughts?_


End file.
